Tuesday, March 2, 2010

3-2-2010 The Weekly Claw

Well, it’s Primary Day down here in the Great State of Texas, and the big news is the GOP primary in the Governor’s race. Rick Perry has served as Governor longer than anyone else in Texas history, and while he has grown a spine in recent years in asserting the 10th Amendment in battles against DC, he hasn’t really been a friend of conservatives with his spending habits, forcing all schoolgirls to get the HPV vaccine, his advocacy of the NAFTA Super Corridor, and his cozying up to former Mexican President Vincente Fox. His big-name opponent is Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson, who has been called “Queen of the Earmarks” by one Texas newspaper, “Porker of the Month October 2009” by Citizens Against Government Waste, and was nominated for “Porker of the Year” by CAGW (coming in 2nd only to Bawney Fwank).. She’s been mostly conservative in her 17 years in DC, but not on fiscal matters until Barack Obama became President. The third person in the race is Debra Medina, who is a former county GOP Chair in south Texas and high-level volunteer in the Ron Paul campaign. She is pro-life, pro-2nd Amendment, pro-state sovereignty to the point of advocating for states to nullify federal laws that violate the 10th Amendment, and wants to deploy the Texas National Guard on the border to fight illegal immigration. Gee, I wonder who The Crawfish voted for. Let’s just hope that she can end out ahead of KBH and force Perry into a run-off. Then we can worry about defeating Bill White, the Mayor who turned Houston into an even greater cesspool than it already was, in November.

For those of you who were expecting me to be blasting Dick’s Sporting Goods in this space today because of how Mrs. Crawfish was treated over the weekend, the call for a boycott is off. She talked to the firearms department manager at the store on Monday and he severely apologized for the actions of his employees, promised departmental training on state firearms laws and proper customer service, and gave her some deep discounts on a few items. ‘Tis all good in the hood.

He’s baaaaaaaaack. The Prophet Algoracle is stepping back into the man-made Glo-Bull Warming fight,
penning this op-ed piece in the Noo Yawk Simes. All of the recent scandals in the supposed science of his religion can be explained away as minor errors, which science will never be free of. He also predicts stronger hurricanes, which he and his ilk have been predicting ever since Katrina, only to be forced to claim that the LACK of powerful hurricanes is due to Glo-Bull Warming (which is the subject of yet another report that came out recently). I couldn’t even make it past the first page. He just can’t comprehend how reality and real science is in opposition to his religion.

Regular Claw readers will note that the collapse of the credit market came about because of the gummint-run Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which have been used to make Dim-ocrats such as Franklin Raines very rich while they cooked the books. Meanwhile, their main protectors have been Senator Chris “Countrywide” Dodd and Representative Bawney “Gay Bordelo” Fwank, both of whom repeatedly said that Freddie and Fannie were in excellent financial state all the way until the day they collapsed. Now Fannie is seeking
$15,300,000,000.00 in bailout money from the gummint yet again. When will this particular bit of madness be stopped?

The headline of this article should make Democrats quite happy. It is exactly what they have always wanted.

Please tell me that y’all saw this one coming as soon as P-Lousy grabbed the gavel. Her Deputy Barney Fife, Steny Hoyer, is now saying that the
Democrats in Congress are going to have to raise taxes in order to reduce the deficit and the debt. In as address at the Brookings Institute, Hoyer said, “If need be, I am hopeful that both parties will agree to look at revenues as part of the solution — not as a gateway to higher spending, but as part of a compromise that cuts spending and balances the budget.” Uh, Steny? The “gateway to higher spending” was the election of the Donkeys. What part of TARP, “stimulus”, Crrrap and Tax, Obamacare, and raising the debt ceiling had anything to do with fiscal responsibility, budget balancing, and debt reduction?

Neal Boortz brings us a story from Forbes Magazine that echoes what most of us conservative-types have been saying for decades. The combination of unions (especially government worker unions) and the leeches of society is bringing our nation to its knees economically. The states that are deepest kimchee are all dominated by unions and leeches, while the states that are weathering the storm without major problems are not.

Barack Obama’s sugar daddy, and the behind the scenes leader of the extreme left in America is up to some of his old tricks. George Soros, whose Jewish family first gained power by betraying the Hungarian Jewish population to the Nazis in WW2, made his fortune by breaking the Bank of England and the British Pound (for which he still has charges against him but will never stand trial) and with insider trading in France (for which he was convicted, but fled to America). Since then he has been behind the efforts to destroy the economy of the United States, and now is the central figure in a hedge fund operation to cash in as they
force the meltdown of the Euro. When will the EU and the USA get together and put an end to his schemes, with extreme prejudice?

Well, it is good to see that there are
some federal judges who have at least read part of the Constitution. Unfortunately, the next stop for this case is the 9th Circus, which doesn’t believe in the Constitution.

The next set of celebrities for ABC’s “
Dancing With the Stars” has been announced, and The Crawfish has one major question about them. Will figure skater Evan Lysacek be paired with a woman (He technically is a male) or a man (Did you see his outfits in the Olympics? In an interview, he said that his sister was better in every sport they ever tried until he went to figure skating.)?

Calypso Louie stepped back into the spotlight on Sunday, and as usual played the race card. He claimed that it is
eeeeevillll whitey working to make Obama a one-term President. Meanwhile, he suggested that Obama should give his group more money, since they have done such a wonderful job of reforming black prison inmates. Reform being defined as taking angry black criminals and turning them into angry black ant-American muslim criminals.

One of the gummint’s main tools to make sure that American jobs are held by people who are actually legal to be in America is, as most government programs are, all screwed up. Instead of closing the borders and deporting all non-drybacks, the Bush and Obama Administrations have relied upon a program called e-verify. Welllllll…..it seems that
e-verify fails to spot the illegals FIFTY FOUR PERCENT OF THE TIME! Yep, your federal tax dollars at work.

The liberal media keeps trying to show how the Tea Party movement is made up of kooks, racists, and future domestic terrorists. Their poster boy is a guy named
Dale Robertson. Unfortunately for the liberals, Mr. Robertson has been rejected by every Tea Party organization that he has ever attempted to affiliate with. Mr. Robertson is also a serial liar, having made all sorts of claims of military service that just simply are not true.

Queen of the House Red Nanny P-Lousy is calling on her minions to pass Obamacare, even if it means
an end to their political careers. Evidently, she will do anything to make the American people beholden to the Democrats for eternity, even if it costs her the Speakership for a couple of years. Then again, she proclaimed on all of the Sunday shows that there is no way the Democrats will lose the House this fall.

A bill can be bipartisan without bipartisan votes.” Such is the reality-free mentality of Red Nanny.

Speaker Botox also said that the Tea Party Movement is now being run by the Republican Party, ignoring all evidence that the Tea Party folks are very much against the GOP “establishment”. She still says the Tea Party Movement is not a grassroots effort, but rather is “

Yet another Democrat politician is in deep trouble because he thought his status as a powerful Democrat allowed him to be above the law. Noo Yawk’s mostly-blind Governor got his job because his predecessor enjoyed highly-priced prostitutes, despite having a wife at home. Now Guvna Paterson is in trouble because an aide committed sexual assault, and the Guvna directed two other
state employees and the State Police to contact the victim to try to get her to drop the charges. Noo Yawkers being the idjuts they are will probably replace him with another Democrat.

Meanwhile, the White House is still
not in any position to deny claims by Representative Joe Sestak (D-Pennsyltucky) that they offered him a high Administration post if he’d drop out of his run against Arlen S.P.E.C.T.R.E. If the Administration can’t deny the claims, that is an admission that the claims are true and that someone broke federal laws at the behest of Barack Obama.

If you really want to see the heads of a bunch of envirowackos explode (or would that be their vacuous heads IMplode?), just show them
this article. Yes, the green movement is set to do more damage to the earth than fossil fuels.

The Man with the Fecal Touch strikes again. After helping to elect Republicans in Virginia, Noo Joisey, and Taxachusetts, The Chosen One went back on the campaign trail. He went to Las Vegas to campaign for Dingy Harry Reid. Take a wild guess as to
what happened in the polls as a result. Keep up the great work, Barry!

If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw or The Weekend Claw, e-mail them to me at CrawfishsClaw@yahoo.com and I’ll consider ‘em. Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.

“The Roots of Violence:
Wealth without work,
Pleasure without conscience,
Knowledge without character,
Commerce without morality,
Science without humanity,
Worship without sacrifice,
Politics without principles.”
- Mohandas K. Gandhi

The Constitution of the United States


  1. Debra Medina...Never heard of her. Then I see her platform and realize why. I can just see the Austin-American Statesman, Houston Chronicle or Dallas Morning News endorsing her....
    And I seem to remember Bush warning about Fanny and Freddie back around '04 somewhere... yet...it was all Bush's fault.
    Uh...how much could we pay on the deficit if we quit handing out money to every 2-bit dictator in the world? Or every "scientific study" or ACORN or any of the other government projects where THEY give away OUR money???
    Here's an idea I posted on Gunny's blog: Why not trade France Soros for Polanski?
    E-verify. I was led to believe it was 99% accurate.
    Pelosi, Reid and Obama remind me of a scene in "Little Big Man". Remember, after Custer disregards all advice and has led his troops into deep doo-doo and they are dropping like flies, he is in denial just wandering around on the battlefield....

  2. Ha ha! Speaker botox! Now that's funny!
    I don't think I'm going to watch "Dancing W. the Stars" this season. I saw that Pamela Anderson and Kate from John and Kate fame are going to be on. Not interested in seeing those people do anything, never mind attempt dancing.
    I can already imagine the outfits they'll put on Anderson and the ridiculous comments from the guy on the right side of the desk. I can't remember his name.

    The Neal Boortz article is excellent.
    Maine is probably #6 worst.

    Reid is toast. ;-D

  3. Another Observation on Albert Gore

    He, like Pelosi, et al, truly believes the average American individual is less than smart.
    Possibly, Al.
    Dumb or smart, the average American individual seems to be a lot smarter than you.

    Live with it.

  4. Buck,
    a) I can't see them endorsing her either, especially her anti-non-dryback stances.
    b) Never mind that so many Democrts made millions running Fannie and Freddie (Franklin Raines, friend of Obama, comes to mind) while cooking the books on 'em.
    c) You won't find me disagreein' with ya!
    d) One we get rid of Obama and Holder, that could happen!
    e) E-Verify. Concept by conservatives, implementation by liberals. 'Nuff said.
    f) ..and wonderin' where all the danged Injuns came from!
    g) We're so stoooopid that we figured out your lies, Al!

  5. B-mom,
    On the other hand, their token old person is Buzz Aldrin. Pam Anderson would have looked better in the dancing outfits BEFORE all of her implants. You would be referring to Bruno? He's always worth a couple of laughs per episode. I admit that DWTS is one of my guilty pleasures when it isn't opposite "Hell's Kitchen".

  6. oh, and.....
    Reid is BURNT toast. Not even worth putting butter on.

  7. Good post Craw.

    On Dingy Reid, NEVER underestimate ACORN. Nevada is full of bums, illegals, and felons who will be paid to vote for him.

  8. WELL SAID. BTW, was reading Samuel Morrison's "Two Ocean War" and guess what, he blames Fueling Jack Fletcher for failing to reinforce Wake. Check it out.

  9. The algoreacle would have gotten along well with the scientists of the past who had the world convinced that the earth was flat.
    What's funny is the followers of the algroeacle love to call those of us with a brain, "flat earthers".

  10. Big,
    You've got a good point, but I don't think they'll be able to pull it off, even with the mafia influence. Even Las Vegas is hacked of at the Dems these days.

  11. Gunny,
    I thought it was Admiral Pye who recalled the reinforcement group.

  12. B-mom,
    Standard liberal playbook. When the truth smacks you in the face and you can't refute it, call people names.

  13. I believe that Algore came out of hiding to defend his Global warming (climate change/climate crisis/whatever it is this week) spiel as a way to soothe his bruised ego. He got a major smack down just a couple days earlier at the Apple shareholders meeting for being am embarrassment to the company by sitting on the board.

    About Evan Lysacek, it's a good thing he took up figure skating. I swear the cold ice was the only thing keeping him from bursting into flames during his performances.

  14. Saltwater,
    I don't think Gore knows what a farce he has become. He still believes.

    The Russian and Johnny Wier almost made Lysacek look masculine!

  15. Johnny Weir? Which one was she?

  16. The other American, but he has a Russian coach and speaks to her in Russian, so I don't know if we're gonna claim him at all. He's more feminine than 95% of the females I know.

  17. Fossil Fuels: Harry Reid and Larry King being rubbed together to start a fire. Now break out the brain bleach from the picture that conjures up.


  18. Lucky you,no lengthy diatribe tonight,not feeling too hot. The Fraudacle needs to be put on an ice floe out in Hudson Bay,or put on Thorazine.Either one works for me.

  19. Gar,
    At least you didn't say Reid and Bawney Fwank. THAT is a visual I don't even wanna contemplate.

  20. Clyde,
    get better and give us your complete rundown.

    BTW, I went to my precinct convention for the first time ever after the polls closed tonight. I'm now the GOP precinct secretary and a delegate to the state senate district convention.

  21. I give up. I've been trying to leave comments for two days and keep getting interupted.

    Its a fine spread you yabby! I'd love to go point by point, but that ain't workin.

    But I did enjoy it. Keep the grub comming!

  22. Jim,
    okay, just because you asked, I'll do another column on Friday...

  23. I had to laugh at Nancy's comment when I heard it....

    In fact, I laughed at the absurdity of the democrats during the health care summit, especially with the dentures story.

  24. Farrakhan: "I am a light in the midst of darkness"

    1) Messianic problem ahead: 'Light in the darkness' sounds an awful lot like John 1:5 - and the verses immediately following strongly indicate that Jesus Christ is that light. That's not the problem here though, as we have been warned that many false messiahs will pop up - the real problem is, can His Barackness afford to have another claimant for -his- title?

    2) I'd say that the 'light' issue also depends on where you're standing. In the darkness, a light set behind and above you is quite useful (illuminates in front of you and for a wide area around you) - but a light facing you...anybody here ever been flashblinded by someone's highbeams at night? That's the kind of light these guys are putting out, a massive blinding glare.

    "Moreover, for the first time since the Great Depression, Americans took more aid from the government than they paid in taxes. "
    Does that really mean everyone's accepting aid? Or only that the Dolists have climbed to a high enough percentage of the populace to throw the stat? (And yes, I recognize the answer could be a bit of both.)

    Pelosi claims reality shifted? Sure, why shouldn't it have? We've been getting imaginary job counts, and imaginary poll results, imaginary environmental issues, etc...just muliply the constant of reality by -i and you'll see how everything lines up in seventeen Demensions.

    "McCain panned the claim that bipartisanship had been attempted. "I have been part of bipartisan negotiations for many years ... this was not bipartisan."

    I'm not so sure some of your efforts were either, Mac. Exactly how bad does it have to get before a media maverick starts saying 'no, that's not right'?

    ""Some of it is hijacking the good intentions of lots of people who share some of our concerns that we have about -- about the role of special interests," Pelosi told ABC's "This Week.""

    Say wha? Milady, you and your cohorts -are- the special interests most of us are clamoring about!

    "Yet the study shows that palm oil increases emissions by 31 per cent because of the carbon released when forest and grassland is turned into plantations. Rape seed and soy also fail to meet the standard."

    I recognize (loosely) what the stuff is, I recognize it's an oilbearing plant...but am I the only one who finds it funny that the environmental movement is looking to a plant called 'rape'seed as a way to reduce emissions? Or that said plant is apparently failing at that task?

  25. eric,
    When they make a farce of themselves that well, we just have to applaud.

  26. Ender,
    -Kinda like the Germans using spotlights to flashblind the RAF pilots.
    -I added to the numbers for a couple of weeks, as I was unemployed.
    -If you take the third derivative of X, multiplied by pi+Z, and divide it by the squareroot of the Democrat claims...ohnevermind
    -When McLame says the Dems are being partisan, even the media notices
    -heterophobes, unions, trial lawyers, Black Panthers, non-drybacks, feminazis, envirowackos...nah, no special interests there
    -Their plant needs the little blue pill!

  27. As far as I'm concerned Barry is doing a fine job - when it comes to endorsing candidates. It seems when he backs them, people vote for the other person, I hope it continues to work that way! It will be interesting to see what happens in the next couple of months.

  28. str8talk,
    like I said, he doesn't have the Midas Touch. He has the Fecal Touch. Everything and everybody he touches turns to....


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