Wednesday, May 4, 2011

5-4-2011 The Weekly Claw

A) Congrats to SEAL Team Six on a wonderful job in sending Osama bin Laden to his 72 virgin male camels and goats. The aftermath of the raid is another story. Barack Obama ordered that the body be treated with respect and given proper muslim death rites. In the immortal words of the CO of M*A*S*H 4077, “HORSE HOCKEY!” His body should have been sliced open, stuffed with bacon, drenched in pig blood, and plopped into the water after it had been properly chummed for a while. The head should be on a pike at Ground Zero. His people drag American bodies through the streets, burn them, hang them from bridges, or even post videos of their heads being cut off while they are alive. They deserve ZERO respect. Obama doesn’t want to anger them, but the idiot doesn’t realize that they’ve been pizzed off at all non-muslims for 13 centuries, since their pedophilic False Prophet wrote his book of hate. Here’s a little history lesson for those who, like Obama, refuse to believe that Islam is nothing but a blood cult.

B) Did y’all notice that the word of bin Laden’s death was leaked to the media just in time for them to cut away from primetime shows minutes before The Donald could say “You’re fired!”? NBC reported that the White House sat on the news for hours, and The Crawfish has it from multiple sources that the security level at our military bases was raised in the early afternoon. Barack Obama: the most PETTY President in history.

C) Osama’s last residence was just yards away from Pakistan’s military academy and stuck out like a Than Franthithco flamer in Mecca, but the Pakis had no idea he was there. They’re about as believable as Obama. Meanwhile, the Pakis are hacked off that we didn’t let them know we were coming in time for them to get OBL out of town.

D) Despite a standing order from September of 2001 to kill bin Laden at the first opportunity, it too Mr. I Vote Present over 16 hours to make up his mind to authorize the mission. When you want decisive leadership, you surely do NOT call upon Sir Golfsalot.

E) There are many out there who are unhappy with the US, since we killed bin Laden instead of capturing him and taking him to trial. The UN is investigating possible war crimes or human rights violations. The so-called Palestinians found it to be another excuse to riot in East Jerusalem and Gaza. The Washington Post is upset that Americans are celebrating. The Germans are questioning the legality of the raid, when they know muslim terrorists see laws and rules as signs of weakness. Well, not only would a trial in America cause the host city to become the Mecca of suicide bombers, but the Eric Holder Injustice Department would probably have scuttled the case, just like they have done with other Islamic terrorism cases. Even if bin Laden had been tried and convicted, Obama would have just given him citizenship instead of a death penalty, and allowed him to buy guns for his next adventure.

F) While Obama is taking credit for the raid, one of the big stories is that credit for the killing of bin Laden can be traced directly (according to Leon Panetta) to the Bush Administration and their policies of “enhanced interrogations” that Obama and all of the liberals protested against. Carl Levin of Michiganistan is even in disbelief over the situation. Since none of the muslim terrorists and AQ/Taliban fighters are legal combatants according to Article 4 of the Geneva Conventions, it is perfectly legal for us to torture and execute them at will.

G) Mahmoud I’minajihad must be ready for a comfortable retirement. Well, either that or he has a death wish. It appears that he is crossing swords with Supreme Leader Ayatollah I bin Wrappingmyheaddiapertootight, and the Iranian Parliament is considering impeachment proceedings. Now maybe he’ll find a razor that works.

H) Mayor Blooming Idiot of Noo Yawk wants to send immigrants to Detroit. Somehow I don’t think that this is what he means.

I) Kevin Jackson says that “entitlement” is a dirty word. Ya won’t find disagreement from The Crawfish!

J) The Chosen One finally released a birth certificate, saying “We don’t have time for this kind of silliness.” He did, however, have time for the silliness of Orca’s show in Chicago and fundraisers in Noo Yawk, where his motorcade tied up Manhattan traffic during rush hour.

K) Why in the world is liberal icon Wesley Cook still alive 29 years after murdering Philadelphia Police Officer Daniel Faulkner? FRY MUMIA! (and the liberal judges who have supported him since 1982)

L) Last week, the National Labor Relations Board, an extra-Constitutional government arm of the unions, unconstitutionally told Boeing that they cannot produce jetliners in a right-to-work state. This week, the NLRB filed lawsuits against states whose Constitutions guarantee workers the right to secret ballots when faced with the thug organizers of the unions. Have these union goons ever heard of the 10th Amendment?

M) The liberal bureaucrats and the Obama Administration are continuing their war against America’s oil production, this time with His Majesty sic’ing the EPA on companies that want to drill in west Texas and east New Mexico. You see, there’s this 3-inch long lizard that lives out there… Shell Oil is futilely banging their heads against this liberal wall trying to get permission to drill of the coast of Alaska in areas that they lease from the government.

N) The Prophet Algoracle has been uncharacteristically quiet regarding the deadly storms of the past couple of weeks. It was the perfect time for him to proclaim how it was all because of Glo-Bull Warming. Maybe he listened to actual meteorologists and climatologists this time, since they would tell him that the current El Nina condition in the Pacific is the reason for the storm activity.

O) How often do you find a big-time college athlete who truly believes that he has a higher calling in life than going pro and making the big bucks? Tejay Johnson of the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs gets a big salute from The Crawfish.

P) How powerful are government employee unions? This might become their new recruitment pitch: “Join us and you can make porn videos while on the clock, and keep your day job!” Is their union hall named for Hugh Hefner?

Q) The CEO of the Black Chamber of Commerce was an Obama supporter in 2008. My how Change has had an effect on him!

R) The media keeps portraying conservatives in general and the Tea Party in particular, of being a bunch of white racists. It is past time for us to point out that many of our fellow patriots are indeed black, and most of them understand the Constitution and the principles of our Founding Fathers much better than the black messiah currently residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Oh, and just in case you were wonderin’, many of The Crawfish’s favorites for national office happen to be black, like Herman Cain, Allen West, and JC Watts.

S) We’ve come to expect stories about the Obama Administration giving money to other nations to boost THEIR production, but this one is all at George W. Bush’s feet. He should have told the WTO to pack sand.

T) When a Republican Governor and a Republican legislature in Wisconsin limited collective bargaining rights for public sector unions, the unions and the media went nucking futs for over a month. When a Democrat Governor and a Democrat legislature do the same thing in Taxachusetts, there are no protests, no sit-ins, no union violence, and no media coverage. Now the unions DID threaten to not support the Democrats in the next election, but that’s like blacks threatening to not support Obama.

U) If The Crawfish ever becomes President, I will revoke Jimmuh Cahtuh’s passport when he goes overseas to prop up left wing dictators and accuse the US of human rights violations. He may now be the SECOND worst President in history, but he’s number one for worst ex-Presidents.

If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw or The Weekend Claw, e-mail them to me at and I’ll consider ‘em. Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.

“The fact that we are here today to debate raising America ’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the U.S. Government can’t pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies. … Increasing America ’s debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that the buck stops here. Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.” - Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL), March 20, 2006

The Constitution of the United States


  1. Yeah, I had a bunch of laughs, too, while listening to talk radio today on which a bunch of people were calling in wondering why Osama wasn't able to "surrender", and why he ended up all shot to pieces.

    I'm thinking to myself, "Self, don't these idiots understand the difference between POLICE on an arrest raid and SOLDIERS on a military mission?"

    "Well", I told myself, "clearly they don't. After all, they're liberals who still don't even understand why even the police, when they're presented with deadly force, don't just shoot the gun out of the Bad Guy's hand, just like on TV.

    "In other words", I continued, "they're morons."

    "Yep, self", I concluded, "you've displayed your usual brilliant analysis of the brain-death diagnosed as 'liberalism'. Enough said."

  2. Brian,
    But, but, but, but...we could have used a taser or pepper spray!!!!!!!

    At least those idjuts are good for a few laughs.

  3. The Liberals' ironic dialogue and stupidity continue to amaze me. First Bush43 was wrong for the "torture"; but Obama is a great president for using what the torture revealed to find Osama. But the US Seals were for wrong for shooting Osama; but Obama was courageous for ordering the "hit" on Osama.

    My head is still spinning trying to firgure the Liberals' logic in all of this.

    Here in Mississippi, THE RIVER (and I don't mean any piddlin' little creeks) is again showing its power. Everything on the river side of the levees is now under water. The Mississippi River's crest at Greenville, MS is predicted to be higher than the top of the levee. Clarksdale is on high ground and will probably not be affected; but the situation in the Mississippi Delta is getting interesting.

    PS: My daughter was a mile away from the tornado that hit Oxford, MS; but she and her family were not hurt (however, they were without electric power for 6 days).

  4. No, you're not the only one to have noticed the playground tactics of the current administration. A few brief thoughts on that hit my own blog. (First post in over a year. Man, I need to pay more attention to what's going on around me.)

    Of course the raid was illegal, Craw. It was successful, ergo, it was illegal. International law as handed down by the UN Department of "Let's tick off those luny Americans" declares that we're not allowed to actually succeed in anything that makes us safer.

    So a bunch of cold-blooded varmints are going to be shutting down Texan oil operations. Oh, and I suppose the lizards are involved as well.

    Re the Birth certificate:
    Only saw it today, so I haven't had the time to investigate the claims within. Tread with caution and salt lick, but interesting if true.

    Minor nitpick: It's either 'El Niño' or 'La Niña'. (Not sure which one's currently active.)

    And even then, it wouldn't be happening if the Gaiasts had their way; they'd just talk to the planet, and apologize for how evil consumeratives (who obviously guzzle gas, chop down trees, and attend Tea Parties) have been so naughty, and the planet would mysteriously calm down, and everything would be peace and enlightenment and ice cream for every meal, five times a day.

    You must be mistaken, Craw. It is metaphysically inconceivable for a Tea Partier to be anything other than a slavering would-be slaveowner. Ask any blue-dot wielder, and they'll tell you as much.

  5. Yeah, Craw, I actually heard one of them today talking about pepper spray. I kid you not!

    I'm thinking to myself, "Self, when you were a young soljer in the war, you carried all the bad-ass killing gear your young bod could haul. What would you have done if your CO had told you to go in armed with pepper spray or tasers?"

    Of course, in my day those things didn't exist. But my answer to myself was that I'd have butt-stroked my CO, because he'd clearly gone insane.

    WTF is wrong with people, anyway?

    Better Osama's dead anyway. Can you imagine the problems involved in taking him alive? And then do WHAT with him? Try him? You kidding me? Where? NYC? The Hague? Let him have the cameras of the whole world focused on him while he rants his vile s**t?

    Then, of course, there's the new fringies saying he's not REALLY dead. There's no body anymore; where's the proof?

    Yeah... I guess he's hanging out with Elvis somewhere.

    The other thing that occurred to me. Bat Ears has been doing the "Blame Bush" game for over two years now. What are the odds he's going to "blame Bush" for finally getting bin Laden?

    Pretty slim, I'd say.

    Can't WAIT to throw THAT one in liberals' faces.

  6. Brian R, Craw:

    When I was on guam there was a shootout between a Guamanian cop and a burgler. The burgler lost and died. All hell broke loose. The wife of one of my crew was all aghast at the police brutality.
    When I explained to her the burgler had a pistol, she said, "Well, why didn't the cop shoot it out of his hand?"
    NO SCHIDT!!!
    Tell me tv and the Lone Ranger didn't have an influence on folks...

  7. (A) I've said it before but say it again.
    We are at war with a religion that is an army. The religion wants to convert the entire world. The army is on the march to do just that. There are NO "moderate" muslims. Every muslim is a soldier in the Army of Islam. They emigrate to a distant country peacefully but once there they become the intelligence arm for the Army of Islam; they become the safe house, the supply cor[s and the disbursing agents. These "moderate" muslims are still soldiers in the army. The "Terrorists" are but the army's special forces and will spearhead each campaign but the "moderate" are supporting their every move. That's why you hear NO hue and cry over the atrocities to civilians by the terrorists. We are at war with an army. We are at war with an army that is a religion. And that army is ONE BILLION strong.

    (B) Nope. Didn't notice. Never watch ol' combover. I'd sure hate to have to listen to him for 4 years from the Oval Office.

    (C) Pakis are muslim. Refer to (A)

    (F) Exactly. And all the caterwalling of the left about us violating the Geneva Convention (which the arabs were NOT a signatory) we should follow the Geneva code to the letter and execute ALL non uniformed combatants.

    (L) Not too much has gone on in the current adminidtration that IS constitutional. Too bad the GOP is so much like BEVO (the mascot that has no testicles).

    (M) The states need desperately need to assert sovereignty on the drilling for oil.
    What are they afraid of?

    (N) Back in the '80's the deadly storms were blamed on...ta-dah! Global Cooling.

    (S) The catchword phrase we all missed was, "Compassionate conservative."

    (U) How could someone be smart enough to make it through the Naval Academy but be as dumb as (a) Ross Perot; (b) John McCain; Jimmy Carter??? What are they teaching in MY Navy's school????

  8. Al Gore's too busy swimming in his green money he scams out of his ignorant followers.


  9. Craw,

    I celebrate OBL's death and I agree. He should have been rubbed down with lard, rolled in bacon, a pork sausage up his ass, one in his mouth, and buried under a pig sty.

    Figures Barry would pussy out to the Muslims who are now up in arms! haha.

  10. Starting to feel a bit better after the surgery,so here it comes. The censors WILL breathe a sigh of relief....
    A)Agree on all points. Simply stunning how the idiot left is caterwauling over the use of "Geronimo". HUNH??
    B)Well, it IS all about HIM,you know.
    C)Pakis are muzzies,muzzies lie,but they DO owe me a new bullshit meter,however.
    D)As I said at Gunny's,this was an absolute no-brainer.Imagine,with everything else being equal,and Urkel decides to not pursue it.He'd be toast even more well done next year than he currently is.To have OBL at this place and not take him out would have sent such a message of weakness. Good thing WHOMEVER talked Urkel into taking out OBL did so.
    E) Got to agree with Brian. Capture him? For WHAT? With the stunning incompetence of this bunch,you KNOW the show trial would have ended with OBL WALKING FREE.
    F)If these liberal assholes like Levin had their way,Osama would not have pursued,let alone offed.
    G)Interesting. Ol'Mahmoud had best watch himself.The Ayatollahs WILL dispatch him straight to Allah.
    H)Me neither. Just shows what an absolute idiot Bloomberg really is. Does he have a clue as to how these people would support themselves in Detruit? Urban farming? Damn that guy is DENSE. Hey,Noo Yawkers,ELECT SOMEONE CAPABLE OF COGENT THOUGHT NEXT TIME,OK??
    I)Nor from clyde.Excellent piece. Thanks for running that.
    J)Well,a GOOD forgery DOES take time,you know.
    K)Fry Mumia indeed. LONG overdue.

  11. clyde part deux....
    L)The unions are simply getting that which they paid for. When '12 comes,the next administration had best TOTALLY purge any and all who came into any department through this bunch OUT.
    M)Hard to control the rest of the economy if you do not control the energy sources. No more complicated than that.
    N)No,the Fraudacle didn't listen. The fat bastard is too busy trying to figure out how to put the derailed scam train back on the tracks.
    O)And from me. A fine young man,that one.
    P) YET ANOTHER reason to outlaw them. HJC.
    Q)Gotta support the brotha'you know. Amazing just what one can see when one removes the blindfold. Better late than never.
    R)The white loony lib left are the TRUE racists,no question about it.
    S)Who ever said W was a conservative? Not I said Dick the Duck.
    T)Ahhhhh...... the stench of hypocrasy in the morning.
    U) Agreed.
    This recuperating is hard work. Got to go lay down. C ya next time.

  12. Ghost,
    1) Glad your daughter is okay.
    2) The liberal "logic" on display this week is VERY telling. Let us resolve to use every bit of it to our advantage.

  13. Ender,
    welcome back!
    -The playground run by the bullies.
    -We need to tell the UN to pizzoff until they are no longer run by the arabs and dictators.
    -Quit insulting cold-blooded varmints like that!
    -I know...LA Nina. I wrote this column in a hurry while doing dishes, laundry, dealing with kids, and with a crew rebuilding my fence. I'm surprised it is coherent.
    -Yeah, and the most honest people in the world are Obama and Billy Jeff Clinton.

  14. Brian,
    not to mention that any city that would host the trial would get hit by at least 500 suicide bombers.

  15. Buck,
    A) 100% agreement
    B) I don't watch him either, but I know what time his show ends, so I knew that the timing of the leak was not an accident.
    C) Yup
    F) Sounds good to me!
    L) The biggest pair in the GOP are on Michelle Bachman. 2nd biggest on Sarah Palin.
    M) Courts stacked with liberal judges
    N) I thought that was the 70s
    S) No, many of us saw that catchphrase and knew what was coming...but Gore would have been worse
    U) Perot and Carter are brilliant, but without a lick of sense. McLame made it through because his daddy and grandpappy were Admirals

  16. Eric,
    do you think he actually believes any of it?

  17. Gunny,
    he doesn't want to offend them, since offending someone is the most vile sin of all, according to liberals.

    Meanwhile, they are offended by us because we are not Sharia-compliant.

  18. Clyde,
    A) It OFFENDED someone...see my comment to Gunny
    B) Todd Beamer's dad called him out on that!
    C) I won't buy another until Reid, Pelosi, and Obama are out of office. They keep it pegged.
    D) Looks like it was Panetta
    E) Holder would drop the charges and Obama would pardon him
    F) Levin is the posterchild for dumb-bass
    G) They are going after his supporters for SORCERY charges!
    H) He makes Ed Koch sound like a genius.
    I) He's a good writer, fer sher
    J) Have to age the ink...
    K) I'll stick the needle and push the buttons!
    L) And purge any leftovers from W, Clinton, and 41.
    M) That's too complex for Obama and the Dim Bulbs
    N) Getting advice from Lionel
    O) Horned Frogs are just good people.
    P) President Crawfish would issue an Executive order that no project for the federal gummint would be done with a union contract or with any mandatory union membership.
    Q) Clear vision is SUCH a disinfectant.
    R) The evidence is overwhelming
    S) Only in these areas: Judicial appointments, tax policy, taking the fight to the mooks.
    T) Nothing to see here...move along!
    U) I'm sure Rosalyn wouldn't mind if he didn't come home.


I welcome your comments, but beware that I do review them before allowing them to be seen. While I allow opposing points of view, I discard stoooopidity and trollish comments.