5-18-2011 The Weekly Claw

Here’s a quick list of some of the stories that could have been covered this week, but weren’t because of a lack of column space:
a) Stoned Steny Hoyer (Donkey-MD) wants all Maryland colleges and universities to include information on Obamacare (provided by the Democrats) to be included in their curricula.
b) Barack Obama is INTENTIONALLY not distinguishing between legal and illegal immigration while on the campaign trail, in order to make the GOP look RAAACIST!
c) In the Senate race from VA, both candidates are former Governors. One was tough on crime, while one was very pro-criminal. Guess which is the Democrat!
d) The USDA is looking to improve their civil rights record. What the *@#^% does that have to do with agriculture?
e) Ron Paul came out in favor of legalizing heroin and against the killing of Osama bin Laden. Why does he keep saying stupid stuff like that?
f) The NEA has given a MIME troup in Than Franthithco $50,000 per year for a decade, since they couldn’t survive in a free market because NOBODY cares about mimes.
g) The Vatican released a report supporting Algore, but the scientific data came from someone whose work has already been debunked.

A) Israel’s enemies changed their tactics this week, sending human waves to cross the border at multiple points, tearing down border fencing as rampaging in Israeli towns when they got there. The IDF managed to hold most of them back, having to shoot many to get the point across. It is speculated that the hordes pressing the border from Syria were sent there by President Assad in order to take attention away from his brutal crackdown against internal dissidents.

B) Tax Cheat Timmy is forecasting a double-dip recession if we don’t increase the debt ceiling. Uh, Timmy? Most non-Keynesian economists have been predicting a double-dip recession for a while, and the debt ceiling wasn’t the reason. The double-dip will occur because of your party’s spending and unConstitutional activities, such as Obamacare and all of the entitlement programs.

C) Barack Obama has been cast as the Great Savior of Black America, and black Americans will give him over 90% of their votes again in 2012, but in reality he has been an unmitigated disaster for black America, with black male employment numbers at record lows.

D) Extreme leftist Donna Brazile has already started with the usual liberal lie that the Republicans are trying to “disenfranchise” voters, which is ALWAYS liberal code for “the GOP is raaaaacist!” This time, the claim is centered upon Republicans wanting voters to prove that they are actually who they say they are, which would limit multiple voting and voting by non-citizens, both of which are normal Democrat tactics.

E) Failed comedian Bill Maher said that Republicans are showing support for Herman Cain for one reason, and one reason only. It is so they aren’t seen as raaaaaacists. So tell us why we support Allen West, but despise Mitt Romney.

F) The dimwits at MSNBC told their 15 viewers that Obama must campaign on his VALUES instead of his PERFORMANCE. Do we really need to bring up “Common”, Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayres, Cambridge Cops, and all of his other anti-American values again? Talk about a win-win situation for the GOP…

G) “I think that one of the things that the president appreciates is the work that Mr. Lynn has done with children, especially in Chicago, trying to get them to focus on poetry as opposed to some of the negative influences of life on the street.” That is how the White House defended their choice of racist rapper “Common” at their poetry event. They even managed to schedule the event during National Police Officers Memorial Week, while “Common” is widely known for his lyrics in support of cop killers. Then again, this should come as no surprise to people who are paying attention, since Barack Obama has shown nothing but contempt for America and the American people throughout his adult life.

H) Obama and the Democrats normally show contempt for the Constitution and all things really American, but you know it is getting’ bad when they start disregarding a law that THEY put in place to curb the military powers of the President.

I) The Indiana Supreme Court has decided that the 4th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States is completely meaningless. Who do they think they are, Ginsburg, Kagan, and Sotomayor?

J) According to Dingy Harry, the American people need to rise up and let Washington know how important amnesty is to them. Listen up, moron. We HAVE told Washington how important amnesty is to us, and we told them in overwhelming numbers that we do NOT approve of amnesty!

K) Dingy also defended the NLRB’s actions against Boeing, saying that the federal government telling a business where it can and cannot operate is in the spirit of the Founding Fathers. He really thinks the American people are THAT stupid.

L) HUD has wasted hundreds of millions of dollars on housing projects that have stalled or simply never got started. The real question isn’t why these projects ended up as they did, but rather why in the world the federal government was spending OUR tax dollars on housing for people who are simply too damned lazy to get a job?

M) The ACLU is going after a high school in Noo Joisey because they have their graduation ceremonies in a building with Christian symbols. A school district in Texas has already caved in to these anti-Christian, anti-American legal thugs. These decisions by local school districts on where to hold graduation ceremonies are NOT CONGRESS MAKING A LAW, so the “establishment clause” does not apply. Why don’t these schools fight back and counter-sue the ACLU?

N) The union thugs have won a great victory in Moonbeam’s California. They have gotten the state version of card-check passed, which means union thugs can intimidate workers to unionize even if they don’t want to. This signals the end of non-union business in that state.

O) Liberals love to go way too far in dealing with students in their unionized schools. This time, two lacrosse players got suspended from school because they had pen knives, a leatherman, and a lighter in their equipment bags to properly tend to their lacrosse sticks. They were arrested, cuffed, and face possible jail time. What is it that drives this liberal bias against lacrosse players? Duke, anyone?

P) Liberals just love to spend OPM (Other People’s Money). They also like to spend it inappropriately. In Detroit, $200,000+ that was supposed to help feed the poor got spent on office furniture for those running the program.

Q) Here is a fantastic poster. Go to their site to order it. All proceeds go to the Navy SEAL Foundation.

If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw or The Weekend Claw, e-mail them to me at CrawfishsClaw@yahoo.com and I’ll consider ‘em. Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.

“Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger. It's the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the clown.” Quote courtesy of Gray Ghost

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